I have been thinking quite a bit lately about how I feel about abortion especially because it is one of the hot topics in politics. Since I had my first abortion when I was 17, I have been thinking that the abortion issue is not the same in every situation. Each case may be different. Abortion is ok in certain situations. I justified the fact that I had an abortion when I was 17. I didn't know better, parents didn't teach me about sex and protection, and I wasn't offered any other options. I went to planned parenthood and had it done with no regrets. I believed that I did what was best. Look where my life would be if a had a child then.
When I was in my 20's and was living with my boyfriend, we were frequently using cocaine. When I became pregnant, I immediately thought that I needed to get an abortion because I was misusing drugs. I had the abortion and married my boyfriend, and I would bet that he doesn't even remember that this happened. I did know more about sex and protection at this time but thought that there were no other options. We could barely support ourselves, how could we raise a kid in this environment. The baby would be better off not being born.
I have never actually regretted my decisions until recently. What if someone had just talked to me. Someone other than my 17 year old friends? Most likely , I would have not thought about adoption but maybe if I had just thought about it more. I never talked about how I felt about it morally. Was it ok with me? No I stuffed it along with many other issues in my life. I am now a Christian woman, I was not then, I was brought up Catholic and didn't think twice about my relationship with God at that time. Up until today, I believed that I had nothing to be sorry about. It wasn't my fault that I was so uneducated and made such bad choices. I think that if I had talked to someone it would have been a totally different experience for me. I hope that I would not have gotten pregnant a second time and just said - Oh well, if I get pregnant I'll just have an abortion. Easy as that. This is why my feelings about abortion are mixed.
What I would like to do is talk to those who are thinking about having an abortion. Is this what they really want to do. I feel that everyone has a right to make their own decisions but should not think of it as no big deal. As I said I m now a Christian and struggle with not having more remorse for what I did. But I do have guilt. This is why I want to speak out. I NOW do not feel that abortion is morally right but women have to examine themselves , pray and make the right decision for themselves.
I am now 60 years old and have 2 adult children. I have never told my kids or family members about the abortions. I am not proud of what I did but felt I was doing the right thing at the time. Years later I question my motives.